January 26th, 2009

legend of hero

[Filler] Gaming Interlude I

News: Legend of Hero is not updating tonight due to recovery from an unexpectedly mentally draining convention. Sorry! Instead, I present this hopefully amusing piece of filler, in which we examine what might happen if our three main protagonists took some time off from their quest to play a storytelling game.

[Trent] So how do you play this "Baron Munchkin" game again?

[Kevin] "Baron Munchhausen." You boast about your fantastic exploits. Other players challenge you by throwing you bizarre rumors about your story. You have to either deny them or work them in. Trent, why don't you start us off by giving David one of the prompts from the back of the book?

[David] ... Huh? What?

[Trent] You heard the man. Give me the rulebook so I can read you a prompt.

[David] Are you kidding? We can't start yet! Look at how huge the rulebook is!

[Kevin] You've just heard the rules. The rest is scoring, minutiae and flavor text.

[David] Scoring isn't minutiae! I'm not going to tell the first story without understanding that! I might get a low score.

[Kevin] *sigh* Fine, then read me off one of the prompts. I'll go.

[David] Hang on. Do you get more points for going first?

[Trent] Stop it, Dave.

[David] Oh ... FINE. *flip* "So, Baron ... tell us how you caused a solar eclipse to stop the war between the Shadowlands' marine races."

[Kevin] Why, certainly! I ... um ... OK, give me a minute, I've got this.

[David] *flip*

[Kevin] So one day I was just walking on the beach, right? And I saw these mershades and leviathans fighting. The mershades were riding darks --

[Trent] Darks?

[Kevin] ... Shadow sharks.

[Trent] Darks? Darks?

[Kevin] That's what they call them! I'm not making that up!

[Trent] I call bullshit. I mean, seriously, "darks"?

[David] According to the rules that's not how you challenge people. You have to start with "But Baron!" And you're not supposed to nitpick, you're supposed to introduce some fact not in the original narrative.

[Trent] *mutter* Whatever. Look, "darks" is a stupid name.

[David] Technically since you're insulting Kevin he could challenge you to a duel now and knock you out of the game.

[Trent] The game says I'm not allowed to say things are stupid?!

[Kevin] Ummm .... moving on! Clearly I was wrong, the mershades were just swimming on their own. But when I saw the fight I knew the whole Blacksea was in trouble. So I --

[Trent] Are you going to mention "darks" again?

[Kevin] No, Trent.

[Trent] Good.

[David] Would you stop interrupting him with retarded questions?

[Trent] Hey, you just insulted me. Can I remove you from the game now?

[Kevin] ... MOVING ON! I knew the Blacksea was in trouble. So I jumped into the ocean, dodging spears and pointy teeth, and swam to the undersea palace of the Mershade King --

[David] Oooh, I get the challenge thing now. "But Baron!" *pushes a coin to the center of the table* Isn't the palace three miles underwater, far beyond the reach of any human swimmer?

[Kevin] Ummm ... A very good point! Which is why I was glad that I brought my newly invented breathing gear.

[Trent] You still couldn't have made it. You'd have been crushed by the pressure.

[David] Was that another challenge? You need to wager a coin.

[Trent] That wasn't a challenge. That was just the laws of physics!

[Kevin] The premise is that I'm causing a solar eclipse here. I think the laws of physics are a little bit stretchy.

[Trent] Yeah ... about that. It might be a little difficult. The Shadowlands doesn't even have a sun.

[Kevin] [David] ...

[Kevin] ... You know what, let's play a different game.